I am honored to have a post today on Beacon Broadside, the excellent blog put out by Beacon Press, my publisher. Take a look…
The author and her mother in 1961.
After touring colleges with my second and final child this spring break, I am suddenly aware that I am approaching the end of an era. Parenting has felt like an endless and all-consuming way of being for me, a role I took on with great joy in my thirties, after years as a journalist. In motherhood, I became a PTA President, a leader in our interfaith families community, the schools columnist for the town paper, and ultimately the author of a book on religion and parenting. I was the mom that other parents called for tips on negotiating the school system, or organizing an interfaith bar mitzvah, or finding the best music teachers.
Somehow, I am only just now realizing that this excellent 20-year adventure in mothering may turn out to be, if I am lucky, only a small fraction of a long life. My grandmother lived until 98, my father is working on Bach’s Goldberg Variations at 90, my mother plays the ukulele at 83. So my own period of day-to-day mothering may only fill a quarter, or a fifth, of my lifetime. (Click here to read the rest…)
When interfaith couples choose to celebrate both family religions, both sets of grandparents can freely share religious traditions with their grandchildren. Nevertheless, grandparents may not understand, at first, the new concept of an interfaith families community. They may worry about whether their religion is being honored and respected, and whether their grandchildren are getting adequate religious education.
Of course, grandparents are welcome in our community at any time—anyone is welcome at any time. And we have many grandparents who have become regular visitors, or even community members. My interfaith parents love visiting when they are in town. We have at least one interfaith couple who are senior citizens who intermarried later in life, and chose our community as their own. Meanwhile, some of our original members now have grown children, and are becoming grandparents themselves. But also, we have young interfaith couples who have brought along parents who became members.
For instance, we have a Moroccan-born Jewish grandfather who plays doumbek (a Middle-Eastern hand drum) in our house band at each Gathering. I love that his interfaith grandchildren get to see him there each week, and that he adds to the joy for all of us with his drumming.
On the most recent Grandparents Day, Jewish grandparents visiting for the first time may have felt reassured when we began our service with the familiar song “Hine Ma Tov” (“how good it is for people to dwell together in harmony”). We said the central Jewish prayers: theShema and the V’ahavta. We sang the Hamotzi (the blessing over bread) in Hebrew and English. And the three and four-year-olds got up to sing a good morning and good night song, showing off the fact that they are learning some conversational Hebrew.
Jewish grandparents, and Christian ones too, were probably also glad to hear our rabbi, lively at 81, reflect on the wisdom that comes with age, and to hear the specific words of wisdom he chose from each of the five books of the Torah.
The Christian grandparents may have felt reassured when we began our Gathering by passing the peace (a Christian tradition of greeting those sitting near you), and that we sang the Shaker song “Simple Gifts.” We also said the Kindness Prayer from the Episcopal Book of Common Prayer, and the Lord’s Prayer. A Jewish community member, a young mother with a toddler in her arms, got up to read from the Gospel of Luke. And since the theme of this gathering was “The Treasure of Wisdom,” we also sang along with the band to “Let it Be” by The Beatles. (The song feels Christian for many, since it refers to “mother Mary,” although Paul McCartney has said that it refers to his own mother, named Mary.)
At this Gathering, many of us felt moved as we realized once again that we can do this. We can share our traditions with each other, and we can feel sustained by a partner’s rituals, or a son-in-law’s rituals, even if our theologies and cultures differ. At times, as we sing or clasp hands, we will experience an endorphin rush of pleasure–a specific and electric form of spirituality we experience as interfaith families. And grandparents, and siblings, and friends, can share this pleasure with us.